Why I hate Hindi TV serials

What I’m going to say could get me lynched by a mob of Indian housewives (or stay-at-home moms, to be politically correct), but I’ll say it anyway. These family dramas on Indian television get on my nerves. And I only encounter them when surfing channels. Just can’t stand these never-ending over-the-top saas-bahu (mother-in-law, daughter-in-law) sagas, but I imagine I’ll be whacked on the head with a saucepan if I say this to any woman who plans her household chores around when they are aired.

Excuse my ignorance, but I had to google the names of the soaps ruling the roost at present since I have not progressed beyond Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi. The protagonist Smriti Irani has, however, made admirable progress. As a vice-president of the Bharatiya Janata Party, she now takes on Times Now’s Arnab Goswami on the Newshour every now and then. Given that Goswami has the propensity to act like a tyrannical mother-in-law on occasion, Irani has the experience to handle the situation with ease.

Anyway, the soaps inducing tears these days have names that are beyond my comprehension for the most part. Sample these: Diya aur baati hum, Pyar ka dard hai, Balika vadhu, Saath nibhana saathiya… the list goes on. Immensely popular programmes it seems, but divorced from reality. I can live with 50 members of a family living under one roof and having nothing better to do than plot each other’s downfall, but why are all the women always dressed like they are heading to a wedding? Thanks to high definition TV, the layers of make-up slathered on these ladies’ faces has never been clearer; I reckon it must be at least an inch thick. Expecting them to act under these circumstances is a flagrant violation of their rights as human beings.

Take the close-up shots every time somebody delivers a punchline or something of the sort. The camera zooming into the actor’s face 4 or 5 times in succession is maddening. If the director is feeling particularly sadistic, the picture is inverted or spun. I’m told it’s supposed to emphasise the moment, but it’s more like adding 10 exclamation marks after a sentence. Then comes the background score during dramatic moments; at best, it’s a series of thunderclaps and there are times you feel that an earthquake has struck the place.

The most amusing thing is the sets, which have to be elegant irrespective of the protagonists being rich or poor. The message is clear: You can be poor in style. Goes with the latest ‘aspirational India’ trend, I guess.

With TRPs going through the roof, there is no denying that the market for this kind of television programming is booming. If all the stakeholders are making money, who is to stop this juggernaut? Things have also never been better for television actors having been forced to live in the shadow of glamorous movie stars. They even have a slew of glitzy ‘awards nites’ every year to celebrate their success. Life has come a full circle; soap operas have brought telly stardom to a host of failed movie actors.

Gone are the days of the humble yet wholesome serials on Doordarshan such as Yeh jo hai zindagi and Nukkad. The advent of cable TV has upped the stakes. I’m convinced that every second person in Mumbai has some connection to a TV serial – the kind that shows the great Indian family in all its glory.  Success breeds success, so who cares about what I like? I think I’ll go catch up on Bigg Boss.